1 Neefly Ch 3

Having been convinced that stealing isn’t bad if you are on the Gourd’s errand, Meehi’s sons return to Sebusalem to lay hold of the records on plates of brass—Lebouf, of course is not down to give them up—Neefly wears down his brethren with a whole lot of words—They offer him things that are worth money, but Lebouf takes it all and throws them out—Lamer and Lamest are, once again, fairly skeptical that Neefly has any kind of viable plan and Lamer hits him with a stick to shut him up before someone gets hurt. About 600–592 BCE.

1 And it just so happened that I, Neefly, having conversed with the Gourd, went unto my father Meehi’s tent wherein I may have startled him awake even unto the soiling of his garments.

2 And it just so happened that he began to repeat over and over: Behold I have gorged a gourd and slept a sleep and dreamed a dream! And after I had smitten him upon the cheek, he continued to relate that the Gourd had commanded that my brethren and I should return to Sebusalem. And my first thought was that my brothers Lamer and Lamest would be super cool with that idea.

3 And Meehi continued saying, For behold, Lebouf has the records of the Sebus and it also contains a lot of our family records as, for instance, my grandfather holding the javelin event record for most of his life, and behold these are all written upon plates of brass.

4 Whereto, the Gourd has whispered to me that you and your brothers should go unto the house of Lebouf, and seek the records, do your level best not to get killed, and bring back the records to me at our camp here.

5 And now, at first, my brothers were glad to hear that we were to go back to Sebusalem, but their joy was turned to grumbling when they realized it was just to carry out a fool’s errand, saying it is a pretty back-handed and sucky thing which was to be required of them; but this made me feel defensive and I explained loudly this wasn’t me that was requiring this of them, but was rather from the Gourd.

6 Therefore I, Neefly, heard the voice of the Gourd in my head saying, that I should go unto Sebusalem with my brothers and that would be favored of the Gourd because I had not been skeptical and I had not left any room in myself for doubt.

7 And it just so happened that I, Neefly, said unto my father: I will go, I will do the things the Gourd commands, I know the Gourd provides a way, he wants me to obey.

8 And it just so happened that when my father had heard these words he was exceedingly glad that he had taught that song unto me so that I would repeat it in a time of need with very little thought.

9 And I, Neefly, and Scam and also a very disgruntled Lamer and Lamest headed back out into the wilderness, with some provisions, back to the land of Sebusalem.

10 And it just so happened that when we had arrived at Sebusalem, my brothers and I did consult together, or rather, I told them that we should figure out who was to go and talk with Lebouf.

11 And we did play a number game— to see who of us should go in unto the house of Lebouf. And I, Neefly did think of a number in my head and I decided that the person who did guess the number would go. And it came to pass that Lamer happened to guess the magic number; and Lamer went and spoke with Lebouf at his house.

12 But behold, Lamer did jump into the topic a little too fast, and right away, he did say unto Lebouf that he desired the records which were carved onto the brass plates.

13 But, it just so happened that Lebouf was angry with the rudeness of Lamer’s unexpected request, and Lebouf took him by the collar of his garments and brought Lamer’s face down upon the knee of Lebouf; and lo the knee of Lebouf did smite the face of Lamer. Wherefore, he said unto him: Behold thou art bleeding, get thee hence or I will slay thee and I shall not part with these records.

14 And Lamer did flee and yea his blood did come down upon his garments that they did become exceedingly soiled, and he did tell his brothers what things Lebouf had done. And we were sorrowful and a little disturbed at all the blood, and my brethren were upset and made as though to return to our family home in Sebusalem.

15 But then I, Neefly, spake unto them in a loud voice: as has spake the Gourd, and on our lives, we will not return unto our father until I can show him that we have completed the thing that has been commanded of us.

16 Wherefore, let us doubt our doubts and err on the side of being faithful unto the Gourd; for I have a clever plan whereby we should go to our family house, for we had left much at our house that was of value, yea even collectible figurines and trinkets and souvenirs of all kinds that we might exchange them as a trade for the records.

17 For the Gourd has made known unto us that Sebusalem will be destroyed or at least something similar to it, therefore they will have little other value than for trade.

18 Wherefore, remember that we have been commanded that we should flee from the city and depart out into the wilderness – or rather, that the reader should be reminded that we have been so commanded.

19 And now, we should have confidence in the sayings of the Gourd, that we may fulfill the thing that has been required of us whether or not it makes any sense at all to us;

20 But we must preserve these records. For behold, they contain our genealogy which is super important to us right now, but will also eventually become a hobby that enables righteous people to show that they are even more righteous by doing it and whereby they can prove to their peers what great and holy lineages to which they belong.

21 And with this language did I confuse my brethren, but also did I persuade my brethren that the only way that I would cease to speak was to be in agreement so that we might continue on our task.

22 And it just so happened that we went our family house, and we did gather together our collectible figurines and trinkets and souvenirs of all kinds that we might exchange them as a trade for the records.

23 And afterward, we carried the things and went again unto the house of Lebouf.

24 And it just so happened that we went in unto Lebouf, but not in a “went-in-unto” kind of way, and begged him that he would give unto us the plates of brass which were the records, for which we would give unto him our collectible figurines and trinkets and souvenirs of all kinds of which we had.

25 And it just so happened that when Lebouf saw our things, and that they were interesting unto him, and he did lust after it, not after us, but just after our things, insomuch that he called his servants to cast us out of his house, and to slay us, or rather, that they slay us after we were chased out of the house, or that they wanted to slay us, but they cast us out of the house first, and then gave chase or, rather, it seemed like they wanted to slay us even through they cast us out first.

26 And it just so happened, of course, that we did run from the servants of Lebouf, and for this cause, we did leave behind our things, and it all came into the possession of Lebouf.

27 And it just so happened that we fled out of the city walls, and the servants of Lebouf did not catch us, and we fled unto a small cave that I just so happened to know about from my earlier life when I needed alone time and we did hide ourselves there.

28 And it just so happened that Lamer was super furious at the supposed failure of my clever plan, and Lamest was angry also, for he agreed with the words of Lamer. Wherefore Lamer and Lamest did loudly and with much anger unto me and unto Scam. And Lamer did smite me with a large stick.

29 And it just so happened that the smiting did wax sore and as it thus continued, that Lamer beheld that there were drawings on the walls of the cave that did depict persons in all manner of sin and he and Lamest began to question me regarding them. And it just so happened that our lamp was knocked over and the darkness of the cave did overcome us. And behold, from out of the darkness came a voice saying: Why do ye smite and question your brother? Do you not know that he will be a ruler over you, and this because of your skepticism? Behold you will go to Sebusalem again, and the Gourd shall provide a way for the clever plan to be successful!

30 And after the voice had thus spake to us these words, it departed from us. And I, Neefly, did say unto my brothers that we should quickly depart from the cave and go again unto Sebusalem.

31 And after we had lighted our lamp again, Lamer and Lamest again began to grumble between each other saying: How is it possible that the voice sounded very similar to that of our brother except for that it sounded deeper and affected? For we saw naught in the darkness and only heard the voice, and it has just so happened that the voice was gone before the lighting again of the lamp?