1 Neefly Ch 2

Chapter 2

Meehi gets out of town with his family into the unincorporated lands by the Dread Sea—They leave behind their stuff and completely disconnect from social media—Meehi praises the Gourd Claude and teaches his sons to doubt their doubts and that obedience is better than thinking—Lamer and Lamest are seriously skeptical about their father’s mental well being—Neefly loves the attention he gets when he is obedient and prays away all doubts; he hears a voice in his head, and it tells him that he is chosen to rule over his brothers which he imagines is going to go over really well when he announces it to them. About 600 BCE

1 For behold, it just so happened that the mind-voice spoke again to my father, yeah, even in his inebriation, and said unto him: Awesome art thou Meehi, because of the things you are doing; and because you have been faithful to the mind-voice of the Gourd and declared to Sebusalem the things which I told you to say, and even more awesome than that, they seek to take your life – for thus were many saying on the social networks – and a persecution complex will keep you obedient because of the emotional investment as a sunk cost.

2 And it just so happened that the mind-voice commanded my father while he was yet still passed out on the floor, that he should take his family, by force and coercion if necessary, and head out into the wilderness and that they should no more connect with the social networks or go to any site that questioned or doubted the sayings of the mind-voice.

3 And it just so happened that he was obedient to the sayings of the voice and he did as the voice of the Gourd commanded him. And there arose some other opinions in the family, but they were just the opinions of my brothers and they were not true like unto the opinions of the Gourd.

4 And it just so happened then that Meehi departed into the back country. And he left his house, all of his lands, money and precious things, and, in spite of there being a lot of extra room, took nothing with him, except only his family, provisions, tents, a solitary bow with a few arrows, the Gourd, and sunscreen lotion and he forged off into the lone and dreary world.

5 And he arrived at the lands by the borders of the territories of the wilderness near the shore of the Dread Sea; and he traveled in the wilderness by the borders of the territories at the lands which are really super close to the Dread Sea; and he did have his family in tow, which was comprised of my mother, Sadriah, and my elder brothers, who were Lamer, Lamest, and Scam, and then, of course, me.

6 And it just so happened that when we had spent three days wandering in the aforementioned wilderness that was super close to the Dread Sea, he set up his tent in a valley by the side of a river of water although actually it was more like the mind-voice had told him to drink from his Gourd while the rest of us set up the tent and the camp and just about everything else.

7 And it just so happened that he built an altar of stones – or rather, he delegated that too. And he raised up a libation of the Gourd at the altar, and gave thanks unto the Gourd Claude the External Fraud. And lo, this went on for a few days and eventually, in the words of my brothers, became tedious.

8 And it just so happened that near the sunset of third day, he came stumbling back into camp while we were eating the evening meal and announced in a loud exclamation that he had decided to name the river, Lamer, and it was a big river that emptied into the Dread Sea.

9 And he spoke with slurred speech unto Lamer, saying: O that you were like this river, continually flowing without the constant complaining and giving me something to drink when I want it!

10 And he gazed fixedly at Lamest and shouted: O that you were like this valley, firm and steadfast, and providing a river that doesn’t complain about getting me something to drink!

11 Now these things he said because of the skepticism of Lamer and Lamest regarding the Gourd and the mind-voice; for they did grumble and complain many things against their father, because he was a drunken dreamer, and had hauled them out of the land of Sebusalem, leaving behind all their things and the people they knew, and put their lives unnecessarily at risk. And this they said he had done because of his drunkenness and the mind-voice of the Gourd.

12 And thus Lamer and Lamest, being the oldest of the children, did doubt their father and his visions. And they did grumble because they were not super keen on the whole Gourd-mind-voice thing that was the supposed source of this whole line of thinking. Yeah, they began to think that perhaps their father had a bigger problem that he was masking with strong drink.

13 Neither did they think that Sebusalem, that great city, could be destroyed on the say-so of a Gourd. And they were starting to suspect that maybe the people of Sebusalem had good reason to have a problem with their father.

14 And it just so happened that my father, being filled to the brim with spirits of the Gourd, did speak to them in earnest in the valley of Lamest, with great intensity that they should doubt their doubts and that, when the Gourd speaks, the thinking has already been done, until they could not contain their laughter silently and their frames did shake as they gasped for breath. And he did confuse them, but they resolved to keep their concerns silent for now; wherefore, they did not contradict him at that time.

15 And just in case it needs to be mentioned by way of specificity and at the risk of being redundant, suffice it to say that my father dwelt in a tent.

16 And it just so happened that I, Neefly, being fairly young, I was, however, a pretty tall for my age and had broad shoulders. So, just in case anyone ever does any paintings or drawings of me, please be sure to exaggerate my stature and muscles because that’s pretty much what I look like. And also having some desire to know of the truth of mind-voice myself, wherefore, I did drink from the Gourd and did raise my voice to the sky. And lo, my heart and mind became compliant and I thought that maybe my father would love me more than my brothers if I were to go full bore with this belief thing. For, I did crave acceptance from my father above all other things.

17 And I spake unto my brother, Scam, making known to him the things which the Gourd had spoken unto me in my mind. And it just so happened that he believed in what I said because he was pretty easy going and he kind of wanted to stay on my good side for the cause that there were things I knew about him that he would rather have kept secret.

18 But, Lamer and Lamest would not listen to my words; and being grieved that I could not convince them to play along, nay, not even to the fake-it-til-you-make-it and go-along-to-get-along kind of obedience. And I did turn again to the Gourd for solace.

19 And it just so happened that the Gourd spoke to me, saying: You are fairly amazing, Neefly, because of your faith, for you have sought the mind-voice with diligence and a humility that doesn’t necessarily exclude doing something for the sake of looking better than those around you.

20 And as you obey my commands, you will prosper, and you will be led to a land that I promise to you; yeah, even if there already be any people there who came over on a land bridge, they mean nothing to me and that land will be for you; seriously, a land which is significantly better than the desert you have just spent three days walking in.

21 And as much as your brothers rebel against you, they will be cut off from the mind-voice of the Gourd.

22 And as much as you will keep my commands that shall sound in your mind a lot like your own thoughts even through it actually is the mind-voice, you shall be made a ruler and a teacher over your brothers. And that’s just something they’re going to have to be okay with.

23 For, in that day that they shall rebel against you, or rather, me, or rather either of us, I will curse them even with a super duper bad curse that will seem perfectly reasonable right now, but may have some awkward social implications in the future, but that’s not really for you to worry about right now, but rest assured that it will be bad. And behold, they will be like unto the plain-belly Sneetcho-something-or-others that aren’t allowed to come to picnics or parties or stand on your holy places or other such what not.

24 And if it be that you or your posterity go against me, then the children of your brothers shall be like nails on a chalkboard unto thy seed, to stir them up in the ways of regret, remorse, and compliance.