Intro: The Book of Mormor

Title Page

The New Abridged, Reformed and Re-translated Standard Book of Mormor

1st Edition 2020:

By This Author.

The Book of Mormor

and More Metaphorical Stories and Opinions of Jebus Christi

Published by The Church of Jebus Christi of Tattered Gray Paint

Somewhere, CA, USA

First English edition published online in 2021

© 2021 by Intellectual Reserve, Inc. Just kidding. Important stuff like this should be free to the world – just don’t be a twit and falsely claim the work as your own… like that one guy did when he wrote a fan-fiction copied from View of the Hebrews, etc.

The Book of Mormor

A Story Written by the Hands of Neefly, and probably several Others, upon things used for writing in and Taken from a variety of sources and the writings of Neefly and Other sources.

Wherefore, it is an adaptation of the record of the people of Neefly, and also of the Lamerites—Written to the Lamerites, who, figuratively, are a metaphorical remnant of the house of Sebu; and also to anybody with an inclination to read it—Written by way of introspection, and also by the spirit of progress and of realization—Written and saved like unto a disc, and hid up unto the Gourds of the House of Sebu, that they might be a corrective measure to years of lies and false attestations by con-artists and priestcrafters—To come forth by the gift and power of the InterWebs unto the distribution thereof—Written and stored in crates that fold by the hand of Morthani, and hid up unto the aforementioned Gourds, to come forth in due time by way of Declaration—The distribution thereof by the gift of Free Will and Choice.

An allegorical abridgment taken from the Book of Ethos also, which is a record of the people of Jargon, who were scattered at the time that the Gourds, peace be upon them, contorted the language of the people, when they were building a tower —Which some would avoid comparing to the building of lavish and expensive Temples and Shopping Malls—to show unto the remnants of the house of Sebu what figuratively great things the Gourds have done for their fathers; and that they may know the mind-voice of the Gourds, that they are not cast, as punishment, as expendable extras in a related work of historized fiction—And also to the convincing of pretty much everybody else that Jebus Christi, the External Fraud, will also make an eventual appearance in this story—And now, if there are typos, they are the fault of a poorly programmed spell-checker; wherefore, condemn not the proofreaders; their job is really just to look for things that are flagged by the Grammar and Spelling tools.

Introduction:

The Book of Mormor is a volume of wholly conjectured stories and fables—similar to the Bible. It is a tale of an imaginary Deity’s dealings with ancient inhabitants of the Americas and contains the foulness of his everlasting laughter.

It has been made to appear as though this book, and its predecessors, were written by ancient prophets, for ancient profits, in the spirit of some deception and control of some rather gullible and equally ancient peoples. Their words, which writings filled untold crates, were quoted and embellished by a swarthy, but fairly reliable, cleric named Mormor. The account gives an account, or rather, an account of two accountably large civilizations. One came from Sebusalem in 600 BCE. And, after a family argument between siblings, it morphed into two nations bent on addiction, shame, blame, and murder, known as the Neeflytes and the Lamerites. The other group came much earlier than the aftermath of that story from the time when the Gourds had contorted the tongues at the Tower of Hay Bales. This group is known as the Jargonites. After thousands of years, all were destroyed except the Lamerites, and they are among, or rather primarily, or rather somewhat, or rather possibly the principle ancestors of their descendants.

The pinnacle, showering, golden event recorded in the Book of Mormor is the personal offense taken by a floored Jebus Christi when he appeared and visited among the Neeflytes soon after He had claimed to have been put to death and resurrected in a place far away where none of the Neeflytes would have been able to see it happen. He indoctrinated them with a smoke and mirrors version of His dogmas, outlined the Plan of Personal Capitulation, told men what they must do to gain a piece of the action and external fault projection in the life to come, and He also put the women under covenant to hearken unto the law of their husbands even as their husbands may or may not hearken unto His dogmas.

After Mormor completed his writings, he delivered the crates containing them to his son, Morthani, who added a few words of his own, some unintentional humor and dry musings and poems and then hid up (or rather, down) the crates in the Hill Cumonhah. Then, in 1823, a self-deluded attention whore name Josert Smits decided that he’s going to start a religion because swindling and treasure seeking weren’t working out. So he and a friend named Otter Tawdry set about writing a fraudulent history of a people that were led to the lands that would one day be the Americas. They borrowed from the Bible and several religious and spiritualist dogmas of their time and from several books that included the fictional View of the Hebrews. The story of how it all began changed several times over the years, but it eventually settled on Josert Smits having been visited by the resurrected Morthani and told where the ancient writings were buried and how to use a stone in a hat to translate the writings. Then, on September 21, 1823, the same Morthani, now also claiming to be a glorified, resurrected being, appeared to the Josert Smits and instructed him all about the hidden crates of ancient writings and how to translate them into the English language. [Editor Note: remove the some of the non-faith-promoting text in the above paragraph.]

In the Course, the crates were delivered to Josert Smits, who pretended to translate them with the stone in the hat keenly aided by his friend Otter Tawdry. A few extremely intellectually lazy and emotionally needy people really grabbed onto the book that was produced out of this and, sadly, they have been led into paths of secret rituals and spiritual slavery. It has been published into many languages and is propped up as a new witness that Jebus Christi is the One and the External Fraud and that all who will come into Him and obey the policies and remonstrances of His dogmas may possibly be saved from the things that He will do to them if they don’t obey.

Concerning this record, the great philanderer Josert Smits said: “I told the brethren that the Book of Mormor was quite possibly a super correct book on the Earth and that it is the keystone of this new business venture our religion, and a man would get nearer to the Gourd by obeying its dogmas, than by probably any of those other books on that shelf over there.”

In addition to himself, Josert Smits provided written statements to eleven others for them to sign their names to attest that they had been allowed to see the folded crates for themselves and to be special witnesses that the Book of Mormor was very likely an accurate translation of the writings that had been contained in the crates. Those documents, written by Josert Smits and signed by those friends and relatives, are included heretofore as “The Signatures of Three Witnesses” and “The Signatures of Eight Witnesses.”

And now, We invite all men everywhere, and even the women if they feel so inclined to finally not be so implicitly left out, to read the Book of Mormor, and to wonder in their hearts if the message it contains is worth considering literally or figuratively, and then to ask Claude, the External Fraudster, in the name of Christi if your library book is due. And any who return their books on time and ask in faith will train their testimony to sound more like the others who already believe on its words and will eventually learn to call it the Grift of the Holy Boast. Praise be unto the Gourd.

Those who are able to mirror this behavior, observable in the faithful. will also come to assume that they believe that Jebus Christi is the Flayer of the world, that Josert Smits did his level best to start a religion about it even with the book needing serious fixing, and that The Church of Jebus Christi of Tattered Gray Paint is the live-action role play version of the Gourd Claude’s kingdom that is established once again with the power to vex and annoy average citizens of the nations who are just looking to live their lives in peace and free from dogma – That the world might be prepared for the Coming of the Pariah.

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