1st Neefly Ch 1

The First Book of Neefly

His Words and Stuff

A loosely metaphorical tale of Meehi and his wife Sadriah, and their four sons, who were named (from eldest to youngest) Lamer, Lamest, Scam, and Neefly. In a drunken fever dream, Meehi is warned to get the hell out of the land of Sebusalem, and because he spends a lot of time wandering the streets at night shouting his delusions and profanities, he brings a lot of angry attention to his family. It becomes advisable that the family packs up a few things and sets off into the wilderness. About three days in, Neefly takes his brothers and returns to the city of Sebusalem for an important book at the library of Lebouf. Members of the family complain about their suffering… a lot. They also go back to get some women because they realized last minute that they didn’t have any other way to make babies. After a whole lot of back and forth, they finally get back underway on the journey – there is mixed buy-in on the whole reason for leaving Sebusalem. They come to the large waters and realize that they don’t have a word for “ocean”. The brothers of Neefly encounter the anger phase of their frustration and skepticism and Neefly gets tired of dealing with them. He tries to improve their mood by building a pretty sailboat and promising them that he will give them a ride. They call the name of the place Adequate. They board the sailboat and cross the large waters unto the Probable Land, and so forth. This is according to the diary of Neefly; or in other words, I, Neefly, wrote this record.

Chapter 1

Neefly keeps a journal about this family’s travels—Meehi sees a pillar of fire and reads from a magic book—He praises a God, foretells the coming of the Pariah, and starts going on and on about the future destruction of Sebusalem—He falls out of favor with his neighbors and some of his family. About 600 BCE

1 I, Neefly, not having been abandoned at birth, therefore I was exposed to both the good and the messed up things that my parents did; and having had to deal with my own problems during my life, but with everyone always looking to me for answers, I never felt I had the option to whine and complain and make people feel sorry for me.

2 And just so we’re clear, I’m writing this in my own language, so if you can’t read this, that might be a you problem, but it’s the language that my father spoke. So, that’s all I got.

3 And I’m fairly confident that the record which I make is true, but it has been a lot of years since this stuff happened, so if there are embellishments, they are by poetic license, but I write it with my own hand and I make it according to my own recollection.

4 It just so happened, in the beginning of the first year of the reign of Zeekadeeka, king of Sebudah, (my father, Meehi, having been born and raised in Sebusalem); that it became common for him to wander the streets ranting about everything he didn’t like and shouting that a deity of one kind or another was going to destroy Sebusalem if things didn’t get to changing.

5 So my father, Meehi, started believing that his Gourd could speak to him and that it was pleased with his much shouting, but he called this his prayer to his Gourd and that he was upset that his home city was no longer like it was when he was younger.

6 And, after some pretty heavy drinking from the Gourd, it just so happened that he saw a pillar of fire on a big rock in the backyard; and he saw some things and heard some other things; and he ended up fairly shaken up at the end of it all.

7 And it just so happened that he, being extremely hung over and weary from his fever dream, entered again into our house at Sebusalem – and be being completely naked save his loin girding, walked right by our mother getting a welfare visit from some neighbor women; and he collapsed into the trash bin and the trash spilled round about. And the mess thereof was exceedingly distressing to our mother, Sadriah and she felt judged by her neighbors who did see this.

8 And being thus overdone by the consumption of spirits, he perceived a wild vision, even that he thought he saw the heavens open and he thought he saw the Gourd Fraud sitting upon a throne, surrounded with numberless concourses of wives that were in the attitude of flattering the Gourd.

9 And it came to pass that he saw another being that resembled the Fraud in heaven that seemed to think very highly of himself, and he was also shiny even though he had no wives yet.

10 And he also saw twelve others who were not skeptical and did not let reasoning cloud their faith and they did follow him, and they were shiny too, but also not quite to the extent that the first guy was.

11 And then the dream took a weird turn and the twelve were down on the ground. And, in a montage format, they traveled all over the place teaching people that if they feel something, that it might be evidence of it being true; and the first of the twelve had a book and he said to my father that he should totally read it because it had a decent character development and that the plot had a cool twist at the end. And he also gave unto my father a Gourd.

12 And it came to pass that as he read, he drank heavily from the spirits of the Gourd. And he gave the Gourd a name. And the name which he gave it was Claude.

13 And he read and exclaimed with his hands pumping overhead, saying: “Woo, thish woo, unto Shebu- Shebuhashish we look Ho Damn says the Gourd Claude!” Yeah, and he went on with some attempts at rhythmic chanting, but it got worse before it got better—mostly about Sebusalem being destroyed, and that the people living there might die in sword fights. And if not by war, then by eventual societal decline, decay of social structures, or perhaps old age.

14 And it it just so happened that when my father had gotten to the end credits of the dream, he did shout many things at the sky; such as: These are some seriously messed up things, Claude! Alrighty! You, Gourd Fraud are high up in the sky where you don’t have to worry about all the destruction that is going to happen down here, and your power would sure be useful at some point – even if it was just to protect the thousands of innocent children that would be killed!

15 And after this manner, with a mixture of harsh language, did my father lament to his Gourde Claude; but his soul did rejoice that the Gourd had been re-filled, notwithstanding all the things which he had seen in his dream.

16 And now I, Neefly, do not make a word for word record of the things which my father has written, for he has written a whole lot of which I shall not make a full account because, under the watchful eye of an all-powerful Gourd Fraud, something ridiculously unlikely would have to happen to make my father’s records unavailable to future generations.

17 But, I make an abridgment of the record of my father, upon plates which I have made with mine own hands; and the paraphrased account might be of more use to someone at some point if, in some super unlikely situation, my father’s record gets lost. Though that would still be really bad.

18 Therefore, it being bad enough that my father, Meehi, kept going on and on at the dinner table about his dream, he would drink from his Gourd and take to the streets, with great shouting concerning the destruction of Sebusalem, and a lot of the people most annoyed were our friends and neighbors.

19 And it came to pass that the Sebus, the people of Sebusalem, did plead with him to stop because it was frequently very late at night; and yet he persisted with agonizing frequency to shout in the streets about the coming of a Pariah, and also his exemption to the world.

20 And it finally came to the point where all were angry with him; and small groups did attempt to cast him out; and a few also threatened his life, because of their disrupted sleep. But behold, I, Neefly, realizing that this God wasn’t going to intervene, called a family council to see what we should do before anyone got hurt. Yet options were slim on this front and we had to be content that sometimes he was passed out somewhere, yet in my heart, I wanted to believe him.

Intro

1 Ne Ch 2